Wal-Mart: How I Loath Thee

I live in a relatively small town in Virginia. The population consists almost entirely of the locals (farmers, transients, meth-dealers) and students/faculty from the university. Being as it is a small town, there isn't exactly the multitude of grocery stores we're blessed with in the Washington DC Metro area. Up north, we've got Wegman's (which is pretty much the greatest store in the universe), Harris Teeter, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and even some decent Safeways and Giants. All of the aforementioned stores are relatively clean, and seem to have good turnover (ie, no eight month old bleached turkeys). Here on the other hand, the cleanest true grocery store is Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately for me, I absolutely hate that god damn hell hole. I've honestly never been in and out of that store in less than twenty minutes, regardless of the purchase. I literally walked in once to buy a bag of ice, which is located at the front of the store next to the express check out lanes, and didn't make it out for the better part of an hour. Most reasonable people would think buying a single bag of ice at 11PM on a Saturday wouldn't take more than half an hour. Most reasonable people don't shop at Wal-Mart. You see, Wal-Mart has this ingenious cost-cutting scheme of having only one cashier working from 8PM until the next morning regardless of the number of patrons waiting in line. It took fifteen minutes for the cashier to ring up the four people at the head of the line, most of whom purchased no more than 20 items. Then comes the obligatory check-writer. These people are usually middle-aged women who have not watched television, accessed the Internet, or stepped into a bank in the last fifteen years. Not only do they refuse to use debit cards (which function precisely as checks, only don't piss off everyone else), credit cards or cash, they refuse to pre-print any of the information on the check itself while waiting in line. I swear to god this woman asked how to spell "seventeen" when she was writing in the total. As I finally approach the cashier, I handed her $5 for the ice which she deposited in the register only to realize she was out of pennies and couldn't make change. I tell her I don't even want the four cents, but she insists because it's store policy to always make correct change. When the manager finally brought a roll of pennies and handed me my change, I had been in the store for over forty minutes. Forty fucking minutes for a bag of ice.

Just recently, a Target store opened nearby. The store itself is easily three times as clean and tidy as the Wal-Mart, and attracts 80% fewer townies, which is reason enough to go there despite the slightly higher prices. Unfortunately for me they don't stock a full grocery section, meaning they don't have a deli, fresh fruits/veggies or assorted miscellaneous bullshit, which still necessitates my monthly visit to that glorious shit hole popularly known as Wal-Mart.